Saying Goodbye

Twelve weeks ago today, I said goodbye to my best girl, my heart dog.  This is a post I’ve postponed week after week  because as soon as I’d start writing, the flood of memories was too sweet to share and the words escaped me. Since dogs aren’t verbal creatures, I suppose that not having the words to describe the 13 year journey I shared with Tasha is fair and to be expected.

There are times when the memories of her:  the smell of her head, the sound of her bark, the joy she brought to life, her intelligence and curiosity, her amazing drive and problem solving ability, her canine sense of humor, how I could see her soul whenever I gazed into her big brown eyes, all the things she taught me and all the things we learned together, come flooding back.

Tasha  was all heart and very independent, all the way until the end.  She wasn’t one to give up easily and she wasn’t ready to go which made it hard to help the dog-love of my life leave this world with as much dignity and grace as she deserved even though she disagreed with my decision. At 13 ½ it didn’t seem fair to amputate for osteosarcoma or to put her through chemo for 5-12 months more of life. I would have been doing it for me and not her.  It only took two weeks between diagnosis and the day  her leg suffered a pathological fracture.  During those two weeks, I kept her on pain meds and gave her whatever her little canine heart desired. The very next day, after her leg broke we had to say goodbye. I believe she would have ‘toughed it out’ but I couldn’t take the chance of prolonging any pain or suffering. It was the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to say.

This is my tribute to a once-in-a-lifetime dog soul.  Words seem so inadequate when it comes to describing Tasha and so I remember her with this video.

I miss her. She is the melody I can’t get out of my head.

(originally published 10/12/2012)